Man, it’s been a long time. So much has happened in my life… where to begin? My dog. Buddy. That’s as good a place as any. Buddy’s a big 3 year old black Lab. I have had a canine companion all of my adult life. It’s impossible to separate the experiences I’ve had from the best friend I’ve had them with.
Sadie and I traveled the country. Chicago… all over Oregon… both Dakotas… She was a good traveling dog. She grew restless inside the tent, but could be trusted to sleep just outside the zipped up doorway. She didn’t really get too excited about anything. She sort of seemed like she’d been there before. Sadie, I suppose, was an old soul. Buddy… not so much.
To Buddy, it’s all brand new. Even if it’s something he’s experiencing for the thousandth time. If I were to say the word ‘treat’ right now, he would stop what he’s doing, look at me and twist his head. …Puzzled. If I said it a second time, he’d chase his tail until he knocked something over. If he could speak, he’d be screaming, “TREATS?!? OHMYGOD! I DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD TREATS!!! I FUCKING LOOOOOOVE TREATS!!!!” Sadie would take the same treat, but she might set it down for awhile and come back for it. That’s just the sort of thing that would drive Buddy nuts.
Buddy is strong and healthy and beautiful. Running around in the woods with him makes me feel that way, too. I have never known a more loving animal. He’s a glutton to anyone that pats him on the head. Sadie was a one man dog. She followed me everywhere, but didn’t pay much attention to anyone else. You could pet her if you’d like.
I think the reason I’m feeling nostalgic about Sadie is because in many ways, her demise shadowed my own. Or foreshadowed it, maybe. She went downhill slowly. I refused to agnowledge it. The day I had to say goodbye to her was the single most difficult thing I’ve ever been through. I was shouldered with the decision to end the life of the very being that meant more to me than anyone else in the world. The Vet said there were other things I could try. That day wasn’t responsible for the 6 Month bender that followed it. And it didn’t explain the years of excess that led up to it. But it wasn’t helping anything either and somehow it was a turning point. Change.
One day I found Buddy. 4 months old, sitting in a cage at the pound. He represented a new start and has proven to be just that. This dog constantly reminds me to pay attention to the excitement of what’s happening right in front of me. If you ask Buddy what time it is… it’s now. It’s now. Now. It’s always Now.
Since I’ve written last, many changes have taken place. I live with my girlfriend now (and of course, Buddy). I spend my time differently than I did a year ago. I don’t spend much time or devote much thought to any 12 step group. I even enjoy the occasional Happy Hour again. I hope this won’t upset anybody and I sincerely hope nobody feels as if I’ve abandoned them. I was in a dark place and took the steps needed to get out of it. I’m extremely glad I did so. I am also relieved to find that is not something that will define the rest of my days. I never wanted booze and drugs to dominate my world. Not in excess or in absence. I am happy and proud to say that today it doesn’t. I’ll keep you posted.
Well… that wasn’t funny at all. Or entertaining, I imagine. I guess I felt the need to post a final chapter before I close the book on the subject. I’ve thrown a lot out there, and I didn’t want to leave you hanging. Buddy’s looking at me with half a kong in his mouth. Time to head out to the park, where everything is brand new. Every time.